Today one of my friends told me that one of his former girlfriends just got her baby. They are still friends. I said I was happy for her. And I felt a little sad. Every time I hear about that woman I feel bad. Not because of what she did, she didn’t do anything, but because of how I treated her. When we first met, I must have been about twenty or twenty-one. We were on a night out and ordered a taxi. She was the next one about to get in the car but I simply ignored that and moved in before her. I’m pretty sure I behaved in some more really rude manners towards her.
Me and my friend talked about that today. He said he knows I treated her badly and that she never forgot. He also mentioned our city trip and said that we could have had so much more fun back then.
Our city trip was at a time when I hadn’t reflected on my behavior. Actually, in all the time when they were together I didn’t. I only thought how strange she was in the way she behaved towards me. I couldn’t see that I was the problem, or I didn’t want to because admitting I was wrong and admitting my motives would have asked for courage.
So why didn’t I give her a warm welcome? I told my friend that it was because he told me they had had an argument before that. That’s what he told me today. But I don’t remember that. What I remember is that I felt insecure. I wasn’t seeing my childhood friends that often anymore. I was afraid that we were moving apart and that someone else might take my place, whatever I thought my place was. Out of these highly irrational reasons I was rude to somebody that didn’t deserve it.
Now here comes the fun part. It might have occurred that some sisters or female friends of some of my boyfriends didn’t treat me well. Sometimes it just bewildered me. Sometimes it hurt. Sometimes I thought „But we could have had so much more fun“. Today I lost the grudges I was holding. Karma just said hello.
I hope I meet that woman again at some stage so that I can say I’m sorry.