Today one of my friends told me that one of his former girlfriends just got her baby. They are still friends. I said I was happy for her. And I felt a little sad. Every time I hear about that woman I feel bad. Not because of what she did, she didn’t do anything, but because of how I treated her. When we first met, I must have been about twenty or twenty-one. We were on a night out and ordered a taxi. She was the next one about to get in the car but I simply ignored that and moved in before her. I’m pretty sure I behaved in some more really rude manners towards her.

Me and my friend talked about that today. He said he knows I treated her badly and that she never forgot. He also mentioned our city trip and said that we could have had so much more fun back then.

Our city trip was at a time when I hadn’t reflected on my behavior. Actually, in all the time when they were together I didn’t. I only thought how strange she was in the way she behaved towards me. I couldn’t see that I was the problem, or I didn’t want to because admitting I was wrong and admitting my motives would have asked for courage.

So why didn’t I give her a warm welcome? I told my friend that it was because he told me they had had an argument before that. That’s what he told me today. But I don’t remember that. What I remember is that I felt insecure. I wasn’t seeing my childhood friends that often anymore. I was afraid that we were moving apart and that someone else might take my place, whatever I thought my place was. Out of these highly irrational reasons I was rude to somebody that didn’t deserve it.

Now here comes the fun part. It might have occurred that some sisters or female friends of some of my boyfriends didn’t treat me well. Sometimes it just bewildered me. Sometimes it hurt. Sometimes I thought „But we could have had so much more fun“. Today I lost the grudges I was holding. Karma just said hello.

I hope I meet that woman again at some stage so that I can say I’m sorry.


Review: „The Daily Workout Plan“

When I was looking for spring party ideas on Pinterest, I found several ideas for working out at home. Does this sound strange? For those of you who use Pinterest and love it you’ll know how this came about. I pinned these ideas for later, when I’ll be fit enough to exercise again. And this later finally came about. I started with jogging around the place where I live which was a windy and sunny 25 minutes run of about 2 kilometers. It felt good, really. I didn’t do much sport over the past three years, so I was really really looking forward to it. I didn’t want to start with body weight exercises straight away. I did this a couple of times while and after breastfeeding my daughter but always got really sick afterwards because my body was exhausted and just not ready yet. So I wanted to start slowly this time with a nice little test run that boost my confidence because I actually did finish it. I was happy to be outdoors, in the sun, and this time I was still fine the next day, apart from a little muscle soreness (in German we call it Muskelkater which literally translates as „muscle tom cat“), but this is probably one of the parts I like most about exercising anyway. It gives me the prove afterwards that I actually worked out, not only fantasized about it. So when two days after my run my health was still up I looked for one workout plan from my list that I wanted to start with.

The winner was Back On Pointe with a daily exercise plan for each day of the week. I really liked the idea a) that I could start any time of the week b) that it has an exercise plan for every day of the week c) that the exercises are thought to be done throughout the day. c) might be the crucial point, with two kids there’s always a good chance of not being able to finish a full workout at once.
In this post I want to share with you my experience with this work out plan.

Day 1 – Friday.

Since I live with a fitness instructor I thought I could skip the „Go to YouTube, type in “[name of exercise] exercise” and you’ll find plenty of videos showing you how to do them.“ part. I hate doing this simply because a) it’s so time consuming  watching the videos, b) it’s hard for me to get how the exercise is done simply by watching, which again is time consuming c) there’s nobody giving me feedback even if I try hard to do the exercises right. I let myself show how tricep dips, side lurges, incline push-ups and oblique crunches are done, because these were the exercises I wasn’t sure about and then I tried to fit the exercises in during the afternoon.

So here is my Friday résumé: Jumping Jacks actually do get exhausting after quite some repetitions. Crunches, sit-ups and the like are better done with a soft mat underneath, otherwise your butt will get sore, sooner than you think. Butt kickers are mean! I couldn’t lift my leg afterwards when I wanted to do the whole thing again starting with the other leg, I mean I could, but only after concentrating hard. After some repetitions I had to count shouting the numbers out loud, so N (11yrs) in the other room had a blast listening and talking about it afterwards. My son (2yrs) copied me afterwards by shouting „Eins! Vier!“ (one! four!) – he’s starting on counting, ain’t he? I love jump squats. I actually thought I’d invented a new exercise a couple of months ago, when I first had the impulse to try them, but Mr Fit told me that they’d already exist. I was disappointed and proud at the same time. 5 is a small number but after the butt kickers 5 was enough. You should be careful with jack knife sit-ups since they easily do you more harm than good so better look for other exercises. I’m really glad that I have somebody showing me how the exercises are done correctly. This one is important since you can do yourself harm if you do them wrong. The more corrective feedback you get at the beginning the better. What I missed  here was an exercise for the back. The next day I could feel the muscles in my legs but was not sure if it was from running or the leg exercises.

Day 2 – Saturday

What a letdown! My personal fitness instructor quit when I showed him how the exercises would go on. He wasn’t that much of a fan of the Friday exercises but when he saw the plan for Saturday there was no way he’d show me any more exercises I didn’t know. In his opinion the whole Daily Workout Plan is in no way balanced. But since I want to try it and give feedback on it, I carry on. Back to „Go you YouTube, type in “[name of exercise] exercise” and you’ll find plenty of videos showing you how to do them.“ then. I was disappointed, as you can imagine. For reasons why see above. However, as usual, I try to see the bright side: a) most of you won’t have an expert at home so this review is more authentic b) I got the idea to write about my exercise plan experiences, with the benefit for me that I need to reflect what I do.

I did the other version of Jumping Jacks than the day before for variation reasons. This exercises is starting to get towards my arms. I did 90 Russian twists (I used the lightest play ball from my kids, which was fair enough to start with) until I recognized I wasn’t doing Russian twists because my back was not up. When I did them correctly for the last few repetitions this exercise made so much more sense and hurt less. I had some trouble finding a good kneeling position, one that didn’t hurt my knees, one that felt right, and then the 5 push-ups where hard, small number but mean if you haven’t done push-ups for a very long time or never really. I HOPE I did the yoga downward dog correctly. Lunges felt strange inside without actually walking around. When I did bird-dogs I had to look up that exercise only to find out that I’d known that already but under no name. Somehow this exercise didn’t work my back as I had hoped, so maybe I didn’t do it all right? When I did the inner thigh lifts, my kids tried to climb me. Since it was the last exercise I just want to finish it. So I sat down baby girl some meters away, did some repetitions, until she came climbing again and so did her brother, the little copy cat. It was fun though with the kids. And I kinda finished the workout in one go. We had to leave in the late morning and wouldn’t return before late afternoon so I wanted to get it done. I can now feel my arms, my butt, my abs and my front thighs. Now, at almost bed time, I can feel my back muscles too. To document my progress or not I asked N to take a picture of me before the second workout, and I’ll ask him to take one after the last one.

Update (April 22):

Day 3 – Sunday

Again, I had to do the workout in the morning because me and the kids were leaving for Vienna.

We went to the zoo and walked around for more than 5 hours. I was so tired in the evening.

Day 4 – Monday

While I was away, M must have looked at the workout plan. He also was helping me again. When I asked him how lunge split jumps were done correctly (I wasn’t feeling to comfortable with them yet) he suggested split squads instead, so if you’re a beginner, do those.

Day 5 – Tuesday

Day 6 – Wednesday

In the morning I got my wisdom tooth pulled out. I didn’t expect to be so dizzy afterwards. I went to bed hungry and slept past noon. I wasn’t sure if I could even make it to today’s workout but in the afternoon I felt better. Still I had the feeling as if someone had punched me in the face really hard but otherwise I was fine.

Day 7 – Thursday

Friday morning my almost 9 year old camera kid took some slightly blurred after pictures (I didn’t check the settings before I handed the camera over to him). After one week you can’t expect wonders, I know. But I tried looking for changes on my body. I feel that the waist is slightly more defined now.
However, I wouldn’t carry on with this plan. Mr Fit had some good points there. What I liked about the whole thing was that I eventually got to get started. I wanted to start with something not too hard before I’d turn to functional fitness (which I highly recommend).


Ich war nie ganz dünn, ich war nie dick. Dazwischen hab ich eine Spanne von etwa 20 kg erlebt. Ich habe mir gerade ausgerechnet, dass auf meine Körpergröße von 176cm gerechnet in Bezug auf den BMI 59-80kg im IDEALEN Bereich liegen. Und innerhalb dieser Spanne habe ich mich bisher bewegt.

Ich gestehe, körperlich fühle ich mich am anderen Ende dieses Bereichs am wohlsten. Die Kleidung passt besser, ich gefalle mir besser, der Sport fällt leichter. Mein Wunsch ist also sportliches Schlank. In den letzten drei Jahren, in denen ich Mama geworden bin, ist der Sport in den Hintergrund getreten. Da ich mich aber bewusst ernährt habe und auch mit Kindern die Bewegung nicht ausbleibt, habe ich nach den Geburten nicht zugenommen, sondern jeweils 5kg weniger gehabt. Ich bin nicht mehr schwanger, ich stille auch nicht mehr. Das heißt, mein Körper muss keine zusätzlichen Reserven mehr aufbauen, um meine Kinder mitzuernähren. Ich schreibe das Abnehmen auch dem geregelten Tagesablauf, dem alkoholfreien Lebensstil sowie dem Wegfall von Einsamkeits- oder Frustessen zu. Und auch der Vorbildwirkung gegenüber meinen Kindern in Bezug auf gesunde Ernährung. Ich esse gerne, gut und möglichst gesund. Meine Kinder halten mich auf Trab. Da folgt die Balance, das gesunde Mittelmaß automatisch. Sport beginnt wieder, die Sonne scheint und ich freu mich. Soweit so gut.

Jetzt fühlt sich aber plötzlich jeder bemüßigt, mein Äußeres zu kommentieren. Über ehrlich gemeinte Komplimente freue ich mich natürlich. Über neutrale Aussagen auch, also über nette Gespräche insgesamt. Was mich ein wenig nervt, sind Kommentare, wie “Da müss ma dich aufpeppeln.” oder “Jetzt ist aber dann genug mit Abnehmen.”

Was insgesamt interessant zu beobachten war über die Jahre, waren die verschiedenen Reaktionen meiner Umwelt. Mein Opa zum Beispiel hat je  nach Situation gewitzelt, ich solle doch lieber die Stiegen nehmen bzw. mehr Knödel essen, dem nehm ich aber nix krumm.

Mit 16 und 59 kg bekam ich von meiner Mutter zu hören “Du bist zu dünn.” Und ich war so stolz darauf, in die alten Hosen meines damals dünnen jüngeren Bruders zu passen. Mit 16 ist der Körper aber noch nicht erwachsen.

Mit 73 kg ein halbes Jahr später hat sich mein Körper verändert, aber  so im Großen und Ganzen war alles beim Alten. Ich hab eine Zeit lang keine BHs getragen, weil das so unangenehm war und einiges hat auch nicht mehr gepasst. Auf der anderen Seite war von der Persönlichkeitsentwicklung her ein Sprung da, dass ich selbstewusster und fröhlicher war, da hat mir das nichts ausgemacht.

Ein Jahr später war ich stolz auf 63 kg. Da meinte mein damaliger Freund: “Das Schwabbelige an den Beinen krieg ma a no weg mit Sport.” Trottel, dachte ich bei mir! Und, du machst doch auch keinen Sport, sagte ich. “Andere jammern bei 60 kg, dass sie dick sind!” sagte er dann weiter. Ja, aber vielleicht bei ein paar cm weniger in der Höhe, dachte ich.

65kg: Eine Bekannte sagt mir, dass ich so fantastisch aussehe. Jammert über 5kg zu viel. Ist schlanker als ich. Eine der anderen also.

Mit 68kg erhielt ich eine Absage auf einem Onlinedatingportal: “Wäh, du bist ja dicker als ich! Was soll ich mit dir?” 63kg der Typ, das Hendl. E wahr. Nicht größer als ich und so dürr. Was soll ich mit dem?

Mit 78 kg wurde ich beim Weggehen entweder von Männern nicht beachtet  (ich denke da besonders an diese hochgewachsenen Schönlinge, denen gegenüber ich dann das oberflächliche Etikett oberflächlich und arrogant verpasst habe), oder aber besonders von denen, die eindringlich auf die inneren Werte hinwiesen. Dachten sie, so besser punkten zu können? Aufrisssprüche kamen derart daher: “Du bist zwar keine Schnitte, aber ich finde dich trotzdem toll.” Na, jetzt fühl ich mich aber geschmeichelt. Oder: “Ich wollt immer schon mal was mit einer Molligen haben.” Haltaus, mollig, na bumm? Dafür aber kam ich so das erste Mal im Leben gut mit den Frauen aus und lernte beim Ausgehen nette Mädels kennen. Und was sagt uns das?

Und dann pendelte ich einige Jahre so zwischen 68 und 72 hin und her.

Kurz vor meiner ersten Schwangerschaft hat sich mein Körper einen Vorrat angefuttert. Dann schwanger. Dann stillen. Dann schwanger. Dann stillen. Dann war mein Immunsystem im Keller und ich war drei Mal hintereinander eine Woche krank.

Und jetzt gehts dann so weiter:

Mit 29 und 63kg: “Was ist mit der Moni los?” “Jetzt hörst dann aber schon auf mit Abnehmen, oder?” Meine Mutter blieb ihrer Linie treu: “Du bist fast schon zu dünn.” (Aber eine Mami darf das, der nehm ich die Besorgnis auch ab. Aber sie hat auch nach jedem ihrer Kinder abgenommen. Kann ja nix dafür ;) ). Beziehungsweise: „Dünn, aber halt skinny fat.“ Na schmacks. Ich sag ja, ich mach jetzt endlich wieder Sport.

Interessant ists, von sich innen heraus zu schauen, wie sich die Leute zu einem ändern, wenn man doch immer einfach man selbst ist. Mein Körpergefühl hat sich auch verändert über die Jahre. Ob ich mich grad “dick” oder “dünn” fühle hat nix mit den Kilos zu tun, sondern damit, wies mir grad rundum geht. Und um das gehts ja auch, sich wohl fühlen in seiner Haut. Und Freunde und Deppen trifft man so oder so. Und gewissermaßen war die “mollige” Zeit ein Sprungbrett, mich das auch zu trauen, ich zu sein, dann, wenn die Maskerade fällt. Und vor allem auch, um die Oberflächlichkeit auf vielerlei Arten zu entdecken.

„Das Büro der Z…

„Das Büro der Zukunft ist ein Wohnzimmer zum Arbeiten. Und das muss bald passieren, denn wir sind heute schon so weit, dass das Arbeiten wehtut.“ Jan Teunen, Unternehmungsberater.

„The office of the future is a living room to work in. And this has to come soon because we’ve already reached the point were working hurts“. Jan Teunen, corporate consultant.

Teunen asks for poetry, art that should compensate work pressure. Employees should have a room where they can talk on the phone without interruption, where they can take a short nap, and where they can punch a cushioned wall without others watching.

I like that idea. Just imagine.

Easter Bunny Ears Recipe

Yesterday I rediscovered my Jahreszeitenbuch because I wanted to find some Easterly recipe for Easter Sunday. I asked N (11yrs) if he would like to bake something and when his answer was yes I let him choose. He chose Easter Bunny Ears over Easter Bread (which I made today).

I wanted to give him a fun experience by doing everything on his own (plus then having the satisfaction of having something accomplished all on his own) but told him I’d be there if he needed assistance.

First step: Prepare your workspace

Step two: Gather your material and measure your ingredients

2 cups whole wheat flour

2 cups grated almonds

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 1/2 sticks of butter

about 1/2 cup almond slivers

N worked very diligently (he’s a very exact person when it come to numbers and facts). Out of personal interest (when I think of it or when I need it I add to my cookbooks the equivalent of the other measuring system) I set an additional tasks: convert the recipe from gramms to cups. This whole measuring concept was new to N so we both had fun experimenting with the kitchen scales and my little self made measuring cup. For the butter we used our calculation skills and visual judgement: We needed 280g, one pack is 250g, so we’d need one full pack and only 30g more. We had half a pack left, so it was a quarter of that what we needed.

Step three:

Quickly knead a shortcrust out of flour, grated almonds, sugar and butter. Chill for an hour.

Step four:

Clean. (I love it when the kitchen surface is cleaner after baking or cooking than it was before. So nobody would know what I did.)

After cleaning we had our little Easter egg hunt. N hid the Easter baskets for the younger kids. He said that next time we could do an Easter basket Treasure Hunt. P (26m) had fun at his first egg hunt ever, and T (9m) stole a chocolate egg from my pocket!

Step five:

N was not in the mood for any further steps at all. All the excitement was gone. I threatened to throw the dough away, E (8yrs) came in and asked if he could help. Surprisingly, now N wanted to do everything on his own again, but too late. Then P also came along and helped. T watched us and definitely also wanted to join the party so P went over to her and let her touch a little bit of dough. When she started moving it towards her mouth, we took it from her again, poor girl. so, here’s what you do:

Preheat the oven to medium heat. Place a baking parchment unto a baking sheet, grease it with butter. Form little balls, put them unto the baking sheet, put in two almond slivers each as ears (we used whole almonds which N divided into two halfs with a knife). I added a little smiley faces to each of the little bunnies wusing a skewer. Bake at medium heat until light yellow (we wondered what light yellow might mean and took them out when they looked right).

They taste really nice but crumble away easily (even more so when T tried them).

Happy Easter!Image